Day 15: Moments of Envy

I’m not a jealous kind of person. In fact, I don’t normally give a crap about what anyone else is doing or what they have. 

But lately, I have felt a new kind of jealousy (or envy even) of what other people can do that I can’t. 

And it all revolves around my child. 

I want to preface this with how smart, beautiful and talented she is. 

Ally has been singing since she was a few months old and she even had dancing rhythm as an infant. 

Her incredible balance and high energy could light any room on fire. 

But she can’t ride a bike or do fine motor activities (yet). 

Her need to control everything and everyone sets her up for disaster. 

When she gets anxious, she says mean things and not everyone forgives her. 

Her need to keep her iPad volume on full blast.

She has zero athletic flare to hold a softball bat or chase a ball to kick it without tripping over her own feet (just like me). 

I can’t just drop her off places and go. She needs supervision and redirection. 

I”m jealous of families who can just go on vacation and have a good time. When disposable income isn’t funding therapy and babysitters. 

We have to be ready to run. Ready to intervene. Prepared to follow through. 

I envy how cheap other kids must be. No therapy bills or endless babysitting fees.

Sometimes I wish I had a kid who walked happily off of the school bus and  says they had a wonderful day. For my kid, these days are rare. 

Maybe we just want to catch a break. To know what it feels like to have a typical kid who doesn’t struggle to do things their peers can do effortlessly. 

Why did Soccer Shots scare the crap out of her? 

And maybe I am not up for it. After all, I have enough on my plate. 

This is our life. 

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