To the parents who blame themselves,
If your child has any kind of difference, specifically ADHD, Autism or an Anxiety Disorder, it is almost a guarantee that someone has told you that it’s your fault.
Not the actual disorder. But the behaviors and struggles that your child faces.
People may say things like:
It’s your bad parenting.
Your lack of discipline.
Too much screen time.
You didn’t teach them to play sports early enough.
The child doesn’t have enough structure, or they have too much.
You should have financially planned for this.
Didn’t you think about that before you decided to have a kid?
Isn’t there a separate class for them?
I actually had someone tell me that my daughter was kicked out of her last daycare because of me. Because I opened my big mouth and I shouldn’t have. She’d still be there had I not complained. It’s my fault.
And you know what I have to say to those people?
Walk a day in my shoes.
When your child’s life is put in danger…are you supposed to smile and nod? No.
Good parents lose their shit.
If your child was a known runner and you heard they were unsupervised two-feet from a major highway and the daycare refused to take your claim seriously, would you keep your mouth shut and smile?
Would you keep smiling after they treated you like an exaggerating psychopath and refused to do anything to prevent it from happening again?
No. You wouldn’t.
You’d be making phone calls, reaching out to professionals and support groups to figure out what the hell you were going to do to keep your child safe.
Sometimes being a good parent means pissing people off.
No one ever said that doing what is right always results in happy endings.
I can sleep at night knowing I do the right things for my child. And that what I share on my blog helps people.
We tried getting her involved in sports and activities at two and three years old and she wasn’t successful.
We tried again as she is almost 5 now and she is doing well in karate.
Being perpetually wrapped up in carting kids to a zillion sports doesn’t equal superb parenting. It actually stresses kids out.
While I admit that I am part of this dysfunctional group that has a burning need to be busy all of the time, I try my best not to transfer that energy onto our kids.
If I need to be busy I do things for myself. I’ve juggled multiple jobs, projects, writing this blog, writing books, and creative projects.
My kid is busy enough between school, three kinds of therapy, and the one activity that she does. I’m not going to force her into a busy lifestyle just because I thrive on it.
While I don’t need to justify my family and our choices to anyone, I know we are doing the best that we can and that is good enough.
It is not my fault.
Anyone that doesn’t agree just doesn’t need to be a part of our lives.