Taking out the trash that was 2018

A year ago, I welcomed 2018 with gratitude and joy.

We finally had it all figured out and we spent NYE surrounded by friends and their children ringing in an early new year by 8 pm on the Netflix countdown. The champagne poured and the kids cheered their apple juice.

I had the best performance year of my career, started teaching at a second college, and published a book. It felt like we were finally in the clear. Things were looking up.

But then, Ally got kicked out of daycare again this fall, I lost my full-time job, lots of friends, and my entire life collapsed. And I was alone.

For the first time since my daughter was born, I have had time to just be present. Losing my job and being forced home with my daughter has been more of an opportunity than a burden—minus the part about needing an income.

This NYE, a lot has changed. It is just the three of us in our pajamas watching movies and ordering pizza. We’ll soon send the kid to bed and binge watch Ali Wong and other Netflix comedy specials because we make the best of things and want to start the new year laughing.

This was one of the most difficult years for our family. Despite everything, this was my year of clarity and awareness. It is clear to me who I want to be and what is most important. Sadly, this comes with the awareness that it won’t be easy, a lot of people suck, and this journey is indeed a lonely one.

Being a parent of a child with a disability started out like riding a crowded train. More and more people get off at each stop except for us. We can’t get off of the train and will remain the last ones riding it, alone.

Hopefully next year, we reach our destination.

Thank you to those that have stuck around and supported us and have been the saving grace in letting me believe that there is still kindness in humanity.

Happy New Year everyone! I feel like 2019 is going to be like opening a ton of LOL Surprise dolls without actually needing to buy or open any. Cheers!

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