When did my 2 1/2 year old become an iPad pro?

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It was when I got one of those “reports” from my daughter’s preschool that rambled on about how she lost her shit when they introduced the kids to desktop computers, that I realized this generation is too tech-savvy. She poked at the screen and yelled at the mouse, she just couldn’t understand the concept of no touch screen. Sometimes I question whether Apple makes their products too user friendly, or if any other device is just too primitive. I never showed my kid how to use the iPad, she just figured it out all on her own.

 

Before we knew what it was like to bring a toddler to a restaurant, we said, our kids won’t be getting any screen time. I laugh when childless people say that now. I laugh so hard.

 

We soon learned, a device like our iPad, or our iPhone, and even in a very urgent situation we can sometimes get away with using our Samsung s5, these devices are our savior -for when we need to shower, cook, clean, enjoy a meal somewhere, and even keep a child in their bed at night when you need a moment of peace.
My daughter’s latest joy is that Disney movie Enchanted -the one with Amy Adams and pre-Elsa Indina Menzel. Last night, I tucked her into her bed with the iPad. I put on Enchanted for her on the Starz app and walked out of the room to go and clean up dinner.
I check on her about twenty minutes later to find her commenting nonsensical, “yxbfhsi” type language on YouTube videos on my account where it appears she has watched, liked, and subscribed to more than 13 Little Baby Bum nursery rhyme videos. She also watched that fucking “Daddy finger” song in three languages, with at least twenty-four different themes from ice cream cones to witches and reindeer singing it.

I scrolled through my YouTube account to find that she has rated and commented on tons of videos.

I asked her, “What happened to Enchanted?”

She answered, “Here it is, momma.” This is when she switched back to the Starz app and put it back on without my help.
In less than thirty minutes, she killed 70% of the battery and multi-tasked between several learning apps-one is now in Chinese, two puzzles, YouTube, my Facebook account, and skipped through three different episodes of Goldie and Bear on the Netflix app.

And my Netflix account now has subtitles and closed captioning. I don’t even know how to fix this!
When did this happen?

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