For whatever reason, we are not supposed to talk about our failed pregnancies.
But today, I will, for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, October 15, 2016.
Being pregnant after having a miscarriage is terrifying.
You worry. You worry every moment about everything. You worry about every test, every milestone, and your heart skips a beat at every ultrasound waiting for the bad news.
You try to numb yourself while waiting for the bad news to come, just in case it does.
It took me almost a year to get pregnant again. I worried so much that I made my doctor check my Progesterone levels twice. When the numbers went down, I took supplements. I was on top of every last detail because I knew I would fall apart if it happened again. I don’t know if it made a difference. But I found myself trying to prevent a miscarriage like it was some disease or illness.
The worrying never ends until you have a healthy living newborn baby, nestled in your arms, locking eyes with you.
I had two miscarriages. One was several years ago and I didn’t share it with anyone because it was not a planned pregnancy. I survived it, alone.
But then, years later, after I was married and trying to have a baby, it happened again. I wasn’t expecting it to happen again. I broke the rules and told people I was pregnant from the moment I knew.
And then I had to tell everyone that I was no longer pregnant when there was no heartbeat and I bled for days.
This is when the comments started. This is probably the reason why nobody talks about their loss.
- I was told that most insurance companies cover IVF. People don’t realize that this is for people who cannot get pregnant, not for miscarriages.
- Then they told me that adoption is always a good option. Because people assume that miscarriage means that you are broken.
- I was also told that its no big deal, that I’ll get pregnant again right away.
Many people do not even recognize miscarriage as a loss at all. Unless they have experienced it. And it is amazing to find out how many people have experienced it.
1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. That means that 25% of your friends and family who have children have had at least one miscarriage. Having one or two does not mean there is anything wrong or that you’ll never have a full term pregnancy.
It sucks. People are misinformed about it and they say inconsiderate things to you because people don’t know what to say. Probably because it was always a big secret and they don’t realize how many women are actually affected by it.
The feeling of loss and emptiness lingers forever, even after you finally have a sweet baby in your arms. Another pregnancy does not erase a loss and its okay. It shouldn’t. Take the time to grieve your loss because it is as real a loss as any other. You will be okay, eventually.
-From someone who overcame being that 1 in 4 statistic.